The Author and the Kimera
by Selma McCrory
copyright 1999

I hate arguments. I especially hate arguments where I have no earthly idea what anybody is arguing about. I really hate them when the argument in question is between two of my characters and I'm trying to work on other fics. Yes, some of my characters are really good at drowning out everything else, inverse-proportional to the amount of readers that they have.

My latest cases for immediate strangulation were Marianne Schultz and Ra'das, two characters out of my Schultz family fics. As far as I could tell, the argument had something to do with Alex Short, Marianne's boyfriend and Ra'das' prospective mate. Now, Ra'das isn't even currently in the current fic that I'm working on in that universe; Marianne is, but she's been having a case of post-partum depression which makes things really interesting. And slow. Very, very slow.

"Yo, people," I yelled, startling one of my cats. Two forms, one resembling a green Taelon, the other one a young woman with black hair, looked up in startlement. "Look, I know you folks have some issues to work out over Alex. But you're getting too far ahead of me. Besides, there are a bunch of other fics that would like to get finished. I like you, but I can't write you all the time."

"But you do write us all the time!" Marianne exclaimed. "We're interesting."

"You have about two readers, Marianne. Two very eager readers, but only two readers," I replied. I didn't mention that Marianne was almost as loud as her daughter, Mish'ele. At least she was more coherent.

"So, if they're the ones who write, then maybe you should pay attention to them," Marianne said.

"They know I have other projects. And those other projects are getting annoyed. I don't think you want to be stampeded over by an Immortal, several Tomorrow People, a couple of Rangers, a half-god and friends, an Implant, a Watcher, a Slayer and her gang, not to mention your father and grandmother, who would probably like to have lunch sometime soon. And they have fans too. In fact, they share your fans. So, please, work things out with each other, come back, tell me what the argument is about, and then we'll see about getting your story done."

"But..."

"Marianne, shut up or I won't even get back to 'Shifting Gears', much less what's currently going on in your love life. I mean it."

Ra'das leaned over and muttered something to Marianne in Kimera. "We will be going now," he replied. "Please return to us soon. We do have much to tell."

"I will, just give me half a chance," I replied, relieved to see that at least Ra'das was going to be reasonable. Ra'das nodded, a habit he'd no doubt picked up from a human along the line, took his mate's arm, and vanished.

"Thank goodness," I muttered. "Now, where was I? So many fics, so little time...."

I pulled a file at random and continued to write.

-end